my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
