How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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