Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have started to decorate penises.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
