Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
