I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize