i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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