I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
