Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
