I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
