I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
