I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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