I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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