i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
