i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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