Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
