Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
