Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
