Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
