he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
