so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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