Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
