Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
...so i touched it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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