when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize