Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am one with the molecules
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
