Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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