did you get engaged???
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
