yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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