love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
