i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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