I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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