Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
