booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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