Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
