I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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