If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
