Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
