ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
