If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
