I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i now understand why vodka
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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