Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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