my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
