just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
