I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
