If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
