Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
where am i from again
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
