I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My feet surprised me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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