Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
