I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Someone came in the potted fern
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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