You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
