There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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