So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize