I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
