Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
