Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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