I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
