I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
