Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
