So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
