Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
