Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize