Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
