bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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