I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
