I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
