what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Randomize
