No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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