I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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