who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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