I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
