In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize