If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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