im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
