I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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