Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
