have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
