Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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