I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
