He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Im part way to drunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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