What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
