Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
