So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please come you make the beer taste better
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize