You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
love makes seman taste better
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
