I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
