Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
