As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
