I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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