new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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