Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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