The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
