i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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