Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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