he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
