So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
