Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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