i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
