Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Randomize
