I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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