question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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