I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she smelled like a LAN party
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
