their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She is in my trunk
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
