i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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