Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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