Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
