no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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