I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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