and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
