you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
