dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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