He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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