Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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