While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
