A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
