babies were throwing up all over the place
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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