im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
